Missing the Moments

Since childhood, my Christmas schedule is fully booked with parties and family reunions.  I never missed a Noche Buena and Media Noche with my maternal side of the family in Pasay City, later in San Juan, then transferred to Multinational Village.  And on January 1, we need to go for lunch with our paternal side of the family in the house of my Uncle Vicente.

Truly, when family leaders passed away, things change, from the continuous practice of reunions to diminishing and none.  Since Uncle Vicente died years ago, the tradition of meeting our clan has stopped.  I think it is now exclusively for their own family.  Yes, while it is true that family expands to families, and we have to respect that and their privacy.  I just missed those coming together  being a family for it brings a very different essence of closeness and belongingness.  

While the passing of my grandmother in the maternal side has the same effect.  Though we have stopped attending Noche Buena some years earlier before she passed away because of duties in church, our church has an annual cantata every Christmas eve.  But, still during those days, dinner is required to be attended and rush back to church duties.

I remember there was even a time in the late 90s (we did this for several years), where I use to cook Noche Buena for church members after the Christmas cantata. Young people and friends who does not have Noche Buena in their own respective houses, flock to my house to welcome the birth of Christ.   Some of us would rush back to my house after the cantata to prepare the food, and some will stay late afterwards to clean the dishes.   These were now only moments in the past.

It has been more than 5 years now, our family or my family, meaning my parents together with me has not celebrated any Noche Buena nor Media Noche.  It has become just another day like any regular day, where you sleep according to the time required.

Can this be a result of being single or age has really come upon me and my parents?  I have no family of my own, but we never actually celebrated our own Noche Buena nor Media Noche with the family of my siblings.  Maybe, we were just stingy a little bit and not willing to spend or it has become impractical due to commitments and distance.  :D

Last night, as I spend the time looking at those fireworks again for the nth time alone in my room, I suddenly felt of missing having my own family to celebrate such wonderful and important moments, as families throughout the globe come together to celebrate.  There was a sudden emptiness within me that calls my attention of wanting to be warmth.