Remembering A-ma Pasay

We often fondly call her as A-ma Pasay because she lives in Pasay City. But we never called our Ang-kong, Ang-kong Pasay.

My grandmother is a plain housewife.

My grandmother is a faithful wife to Ang-kong. Ang-kong drinks tea as water everyday. I saw her faithfully checking and making sure that the thermos is always filled with tea. Oftentimes, she would ask us to go down the garden to gather the ilang-ilang flowers that have fallen off the tree for Ang-kong because Ang-kong loves the scent of such flower.

My grandmother is a faithful mother of 12 kids with 10 of them boys. She took care of them and served them well. Imagine how a mother can cope up in taking care of 10 boys and 2 girls. It is not even a basketball team but a baseball team.

My grandmother is a very good mother-in-law. My aunts have their own story to tell. She loved each of her daughter-in-laws uniquely. Imagine at one time, managing so many daughter-in-laws in one roof. And she still managed to maintain her poise and live until a good old age (jokingly).

My grandmother loves nature and animals. She always wanted to plant beautiful flowers and makes sure they are well maintained. In one of my surprise visit to her, during one afternoon inSan Juan, there she was trimming the plants to make sure it will bloom well. I remember she also loves animals. I don’t know if you guys can remember the big pig in Pasay; Browny, Blacky and the Diong-kwe (Black Chicken). In San Juan, she still has a pet dog.

She is a perfect example of a person who is able to give unconditional love. She is a person who manifested the five love languages to her family. The five are words of appreciation, time, touch, service and gifts.

1. She expresses her love through words of appreciation. You will often hear her telling us her grandchildren, ah-ee-ah (My beloved), Chin-gaw (you are excellent), chia-tiak-oh (wonderful), di-chin-kuai (you are good), ke-siok-chut-lat (Continue to exert effort). As many of you know, I am the weakest link in our family when it comes to studying and A-ma whenever she visit us, she will always encourage me – tiok tak ka gaw le (study well)… di-im-si-bwe-tak (you are not dumb).

2. She expresses her love through giving time to each one of us. She visits all of us often and checks to make sure that we are all ok. Very simple visit and yet very meaningful.

3. She expresses her love through touch. A-ma likes to be kissed and hug. This family is very Chinese in one sense, but kissing is the culture to give our elderly respect. I can remember that every time she would talk to me, she would hold my arm to show her concern and love.

4. She expresses her love through service. My grandmother loves to cook and every Sunday everybody goes to Pasay to visit Ang-kong and A-ma. You will be surprise that a big table that can seat 16 can go at least three to four batches per meal and everyone will have their fill. You will not notice that there is lack of food on the table. And she cooks by herself alone. We will miss her lumpia, kiampung, torta, meatball and lo-bah.

5. She expresses her love through giving of gifts. I can still remember when we were very young, every time she goes abroad, everybody is excited and wondering what toy we would receive from her besides Sugus candy. Everyone will receive pasalubong no matter how big or small. Sa dami namin, I really wonder how can she manage to bring tons of toys and things for everyone. She was really a super grandma and tried her best to treat each one of us fairly. That is besides the ang-pao we receive from her every Christmas and Chinese New Year. Until last year I am receiving ang-pao from her. For years I have been telling her that I am too old to receive ang-pao but she insisted that as long as I am single, I will receive ang-pao from her. Maybe this is also one of the reasons I am still single.

Her love is unconditional and flows freely for everyone. In a big family like ours, she still managed to give love to all.

My grandmother was like an angel sent to me by God. Coming from a not well to do family has limitations. I do not like to ask extra money from my family besides my allowance. At times, when I am in need, I would ask God, God I really need 500 pesos to pay some school fees. And the next morning, my grandmother will visit us, she will go to my room and say, Oni ah (she calls me this name), di-lai (come here). She will give me money and she will tell me not to tell my mom. When I open it, it was the 500 pesos I requested from God. This happened several times that God used her to fill up my need. I did not tell anyone my need but God and it was so spontaneous that when I asked God, my grandmother pops up the next morning. Very surprising isn’t it? It seems there is a deep connection between the two of us.

With this kind of grandma who loved everyone so much, who cannot love her in return? In the last ten years, I did not visit her much on Sundays, because I wanted to unload her for cooking for another person, though it seems to be foolish of me thinking that way.

Though I did not visit, I spend many times, calling A-ma over the phone at least once a month just to check if she is ok and doing well. There was a time, when she broke her arm and was really complaining about it. This was the start; I would often visit her in the afternoons on a regular day just to talk to her and pray for her. A-ma, gwa ka ni kito para di ka kin ho (I would like to pray for you so that you will get well fast). Di-be-boh? (Is it ok for you?). She would say, lai-ki-to (let us pray). She would be very excited about it. But if you would ask her, di-ai-sin-ya-so-bo? (Would you like to believe in Jesus?) Bo-beh (I don’t want to). And she would just give me a big smile. So oftentimes, we would do that, we pray together but does not want to believe in Jesus.

Until last November, when I was in Australia and she was confined in the hospital, I was told that she was looking for me everyday. They told her I was abroad but the next day she would ask again the same question looking for me. Then, my mom asked, why are you looking for Oni? Then my mom discovered that she wanted me to pray for her. My mother called the pastor and there she accepted Jesus and was baptized.

I praise God, A-ma has sought God. During my last visit early this year, she was crying and in pain. She was telling me, Oni ah, di-kang-ya-so-kong-kwa-kin-lai-lo, lai-kap-gua lo. Gua-ya-kang- kho-lo (oni, tell Jesus to come quickly, and fetch me because I am really in pain). Then, I was affirmed that when she accepted Jesus as her Savior, it was no joke. She was crying and I started to sing for her. Siong-the-le-chiao-ko-di (God will take care of you). It was only that time she had a good sleep.

The day before A-ma died, I was browsing through her picture which I took December 2006. It was her birthday celebration in Quick Snack. And I was surprised the following morning I received a call that she has breathe her last.

A-ma live a full life with full of love. I pray and hope that the legacy she has left behind will teach the next generation through her modeling to love one another unconditionally.

We love you A-ma.